The Potential State Podcast - Enriching Relationships

"You HELP me feel" - Feelings are what make us human.

April 05, 2020 Assael Romanelli, Ph.D.
The Potential State Podcast - Enriching Relationships
"You HELP me feel" - Feelings are what make us human.
Chapters
The Potential State Podcast - Enriching Relationships
"You HELP me feel" - Feelings are what make us human.
Apr 05, 2020
Assael Romanelli, Ph.D.

We all have some relationship to our feelings. We might be dissociated from them, fear them, be controled by them and more. Yet feelings are what make us human and if we can learn to not act on them but rather to surrender to them, we'll be able to feel fully alive.

In this talk I explain how surrendering to your feelings can help enrich your life.
Examples are given from the couple therapy clinic and my personal life.
Practical tips will aid you in better surrending to your feelings.

www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael

Support the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=Q5AG6K7L8GYKA&source=url)

Show Notes Transcript

We all have some relationship to our feelings. We might be dissociated from them, fear them, be controled by them and more. Yet feelings are what make us human and if we can learn to not act on them but rather to surrender to them, we'll be able to feel fully alive.

In this talk I explain how surrendering to your feelings can help enrich your life.
Examples are given from the couple therapy clinic and my personal life.
Practical tips will aid you in better surrending to your feelings.

www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael

Support the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=Q5AG6K7L8GYKA&source=url)

speaker 0:   0:00
feelings Sell us. Don't do them. Some of us are controlled by them. Something was a boy. Them sometimes are junkies of them. But we don't always maximized. Realize the gift the feelings gives to our life. And today I'm going to share with you what I've learned about feelings. You are listening to the potential state podcast with your host, Dr Assail Romanelli. Hi, my name is Dr Cell Romanelli and this is a potential state. And today we're gonna talk about you. Help me feel feelings are what make us human. So before we continue, let's first clarify what's difference between emotions and feelings. So motions are unconscious bodily experiences that are physical, instinctual They're connected to what our body senses and they could actually be measured by blood flow, brain activity, micro expressions and body language. Feelings is the aware expression of those emotions what happened right after the emotion there. Usually they have some sort of comment of import there affected by my history, and those are harder to measure. So they went there. But feelings, not emotions and a lot of us have this core belief that feelings are dangerous, are scary, are uncontrollable or feelings equals being overwhelmed. Feelings could even mean death or the end of the relationship. Why? Because we grew up either and houses where there was one of the parents was, was was, was not emotionally stable or see their violent or abusive. And we're like, Oh, that's bad or ah, house where, where feelings were dangerous. So they were just repressed. They weren't talked about. They were boxed off. They were. They were, they were they were looked down upon. There's another layer about feelings with material calls, the psychological patriarchy where when we socialize men, we kind of we force him to lose the relational to lose that connection to the feeling, to the vulnerability to the expressiveness. That feelings. Just the other day, a male client told you, Will feelings are pathetic and weak. That's his core belief. So whether we think that the feelings are pathetic or if you like feelings are dangerous or unpredictable, we learn how to suppress them. We learn how to avoid them. We learn how to rationalise them. We learn how to smoke screen so we don't have to feel any feelings, and when we do that, we gain security. But we lose vitality. There's a high price for dumbing down or dulling down your feelings so you will slowly be bored and you will feel lonely and will be less zest and vitality and hunger and love and joy and play, because plays an emotional thing referred. The episode of Plays the loop of life. Look at little Children when they play their alive, their eyes light up and they're just open. And if you think about this, other animals also have. The limbic brain can also feel dogs, dolphins. But what we have the, you know, the Homo SAPIENs. We have the frontal cortex and limbic brain. We can ask, not only feel the feelings, but we can distinguish them. We can write on them. We can direct them, weaken grooves on them. We can work with them. That is what makes us alive. That's the difference between us on a bookcase or a plant. My feelings is what makes me alive and have come to realize that, like the emotional range is, that's it's from 1 to 10 right, and most of us, and 1 to 4 like from one is the lowest feeling like despair and 10 is like extreme joy, so most of us only want to feel five and above. So we block out 1 to 4, but it's always reciprocal. If I don't can't feel 1 to 4, then I will not be able to feel want to like 7 to 10. You block out the pain, you block out the joy. So how do we block out the pain of either act out? We repress it. Food, alcohol, screens, drugs, sex, whatever means we numb ourselves from the pain, but we pay the price because we don't feel top. We don't feel big joy cause in the deepest sorrows lies that seed for the greatest joy. Because it's all Ying and yang, right? It's a circle. And if you think about it, feelings will always pass there like clowns. If we just if we stay within them, even negative feelings, right? At a certain point, if you don't lock into self pity or attachment, they're just gonna pass and something new will happen. Look, a child playing, they'll get angry that the cry, then they'll suddenly feel a bit better, and then the laughing and there's like a whole emotional range. What usually happens is we get a lot were so scared of feelings, either avoid them. We're getting locked in one. But if we're that feelings were passed, it's part of being alive. Just let it wash over me Then, just like in the be passing a meditation where they teach you to that feelings are just energy. So instead of focusing on the pain in your knees as you're sitting for a long time to see this energy, let it pass through you. And I want to give examples a few examples about feelings. So I want to start with my kids. So my kids are very open to the whole emotional palette of life just the other day. So I want my son wanted to have played it, and I said no and he got angry, any with the yelling and he was crying. And for a moment there, I didn't really know what to do when I was scared that the whole day was gonna I was gonna go because of that. But after expressed it fully and he went like a whole tension, he slowly come down. He wiped his tears, and he's like, Let's go almost like he had this wave and he just had to go through it. It's us as adults. We were so afraid of feelings we get stuck in it, were afraid that if we're gonna feel like we were gonna feel it for the rest of our lives. Another example is from acting classes. When I teach actors, what's interesting is the second act of feeling they get stuck in it. They forget that in real life, feelings will pass all the time. So they just stayed one feeling, and there's no evolution or a different couple. I worked with a while back. Every time they felt a little pain would start laughing, they would start laughing and joking. Juncture, Did you want to feel the pain? But the price they were paying over 14 years of doing it is that they weren't accessing emotion, period, because they weren't feeling the dark. But they weren't feeling the highs either, because they had no ability to be inside feelings. And just last week I was with my wife completed and I was talking, and suddenly I allowed myself for the first time ever to feel a deep, deep sense of despair. A deep sense of what's the point of life and beginning. It was trying to kind of cheer me up and help me. But then I said, No, I'm just feel that let me not be scared of the 1 to 4 shades because I know that if I allow myself the feelings, I will be able to also feel these the highs and dipping into that despair and allowing myself to be in there and just breathing through a new that it organically is going to shift to something else. And it did. So how do we do this? How do we rewire our brain? How do you soften the core belief that feelings are not deadly, that feelings are life, that feelings are movements? So first of all, show this episode with a partner and then meditate on this idea. This this I'm suggesting to your core belief that feelings mean being alive and she was a situation of relationship where you feel comfortable enough to surrender to your feelings that fight them, not negate them or suppressing to just let them be. But also don't be attached them. Just let them flow like a cloud. And the next time you have them, especially if it's negative. Just start observing them. Go down the rabbit hole. What I suggest you can verbalize like a stream of consciousness that broadcasting live what's coming up for you. And as it's going, they'll keep you from dissociating or running away. It's also gonna keep your Liberte playful so you can keep going. It's going to remind you that you're not dead, that this is okay. You're not gonna die from this. If you try to do this next to a partner, a really good friend and haven't just supports you have not. They have to do anything that'll cheer up. Just let them just happy, slowly encourage you to keep following that. Keep exploring that. Have them remind you that this too shall pass. As George Berenson says, all things must pass. Everything will pass and then start saying to your partner, This is a suggestion. So saying you make me feel angry. You make me feel sad. You make me feel happy. Start saying, you help me feel you help me feel sad. You help me feel angry. You help me feel so I have. This day will not just pass by like another day. I won't be drugged out or zoned out in front of screens. I'm actually feeling something. If we're fortunate, we re feeling feelings every single day that's gonna remind us that we're alive. And the fact that you can access is from both brains with our body just makes us feel visceral. People are helping you, and when you do to associate, when the feelings there too intense and associate, have some compassion to yourself, forgive yourself. It's gonna happen again and again and again. But hopefully, if you start rewiring your brain and work on the muscle off, staying with the feelings, let them flow through. You will be developing this integrity, this strength and then slowly, people in places will help you feel alive and you will be feeling the world. Sensations and feelings on your connections between your feelings and emotional gets stronger, and you'll have a wider emotional palette, which will make everyday more visible. And that's what to make you feel free. So you help me feel, and feelings are what makes us human. My name is Dr Celal mentality, and this was a potential state. You've been listening to the potential state podcast for more information, visit us at potential ST dot com and thank you for listening