The Potential State Podcast - Enriching Relationships

OWNURSH!T 35 - What is Ownursh!t© and how will it change your life.

April 25, 2020 Assael Romanelli, Ph.D.
The Potential State Podcast - Enriching Relationships
OWNURSH!T 35 - What is Ownursh!t© and how will it change your life.
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The Potential State Podcast - Enriching Relationships
OWNURSH!T 35 - What is Ownursh!t© and how will it change your life.
Apr 25, 2020
Assael Romanelli, Ph.D.

The time has come to finally dedicate an episode to the concept of OWNURSH!T© (Yes, the term is copyrighted).
If you really want to change your life, you must begin with owning up to all the unwanted, denied or dissociated parts of yourself (your shadow or sh!t).
Ownursh!t© is the complete ownership of your shadow parts to yourself and your partner. In this episode I describe why the act of Ownursh!t© is crucial for individual and relational change, through examples from the clinic and my personal life.
Practical tips will help you ownursh!t more.

www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael

Support the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=Q5AG6K7L8GYKA&source=url)

Show Notes Transcript

The time has come to finally dedicate an episode to the concept of OWNURSH!T© (Yes, the term is copyrighted).
If you really want to change your life, you must begin with owning up to all the unwanted, denied or dissociated parts of yourself (your shadow or sh!t).
Ownursh!t© is the complete ownership of your shadow parts to yourself and your partner. In this episode I describe why the act of Ownursh!t© is crucial for individual and relational change, through examples from the clinic and my personal life.
Practical tips will help you ownursh!t more.

www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael

Support the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=Q5AG6K7L8GYKA&source=url)

speaker 0:   0:00
do you own your shit? You take full responsibility of all the negative parts and behaviors that you constantly do day after day in your relationship. Whether you do whether you don't. I am going to tell you today what is own your shit and how it will change your life. You are listening to the potential state podcast with your host, Dr Assail Romanelli. Hi, my name is Dr A Salve Romanelli and this is the potential state. And today we're on your ship 35 what is ownership and how will it change your life? So ownership is composed of two words ownership with the Pete on shit s h exclamation mark t and basically what that means I'm taking saying full responsibility of all my different self states all the different parts of me and the shadow and behaviors that usually deny or minimize My agreed my aggression my ridiculing, my belittling my normal marital state is them my fears my child department vulnerable part my provide excite all these different parts usually deny or minimize When I bring into the front when I take full responsibility When I owned them first on myself and then to my partner, that is ownership. And why do we need that? Because in the process of human change, there three stages to change to behavioral change. If you want to do that, the first stages of awareness being aware of that, the second is ownership or on your shit. In our case, not only saying yes, I have this annoying behavior that I belittle my partner. But it's saying full ownership. Why do I do that? And I do it and owning it and realizing with my secondary game from it and not blaming anybody else that saying that is mine and that leads us to the third stage. Just choice. But you cannot choose to change your behavior until you completely own it. What do you risk? Why don't people on their ship more? Because you're opening yourself up to risk your admitting you're confessing your sharing your exposing, different parts of yourself there not right that are not benevolent, that are not wholly that are not thing glee that creates more ruptures, more conflict, more heat in your intimate and professional relationships. But what you gain, you gain freedom to express a different parts of yourself. Refer back to the love is freedom episode, you will feel more loved. Refer back to the shoulder shadows. You could feel loved. You feel more visceral because you're minimizing your blind spots a second. I'm owning it and blocking an exit to myself. I'm taking more ownership. Seiken grow. So these blind spots are these growth points. I don't usually access because I didn't hire Minimize. I said we can access them and I can see all the resource because there's tons of resource is within the shadow with Inner said. There's tons of resource is on when I confess it. When I share this to my partner, I am forcing them to also own their shit. I'm showing them my cards on blocking my exit. That way they can help me grow and develop. Ah, more rich and wide repertoire. And I'm modeling that all parts are welcome and that I could express them and they can express him. And slowly I'm accessing a full emotional palette. Refer back to the feelings episode, so ownership cause me first for myself to feel and to be and to love and in the relationship to go deeper and more differentiated. I want to show you through two little examples one for my personal life, one from the professional life. So my personal life, me and delete. My wife had been working on this idea of when you shouldn't try to help each other on their ship. And just the other day, because of Corona, there's a lot of tension and a lot of anxiety. There's one evening where can't miss matching her and jabbing her and kind of, you know, good, like going into conflicts with her in front of the kids. And she kept saying, Why are you doing this? I kept saying, I don't you're talking about, I don't know. You're talking about a certain point. Thank God I was able to own it and say, You're right, I'm mismatching you. I'm just jabbing at you because I feel anxious and I'm taking it out on you. And the second I said that we could finally open up and move on with a conversation you can find and connect again. And the kids heard that, and they saw that their father zoning their ships, so that's also encouraging them to them on their ship. Another example from the clinic this couple was working with. He kept telling his wife, Why do you insist that having the baby sleep with us? You baby? The infant was ready a year and 1/2. She's still sleeping in the bed with them. So you keep saying it's breastfeeding is breastfeeding. But after a while she said, You know what? Because I'm not ready for full intimacy. Yet on the second, she should own that. He could also, he wasn't by the way, surprised he knew that. And then he could say, Well, the truth is, I'm not really looking to be a full partner in the parenting right now. I'm having for you to hold the main part of it. And I'm just gonna be peripheral so you can see that we own your shit breeds more ownership. And when it happens between partners, enables the kids and the friends of the whole system to raise the fridge Asian to be more honest, to go into one dimensional cavemen consequences conversation. So how do you do that? First, will you show this episode with your partner and then you have to two ways of doing this. You can be proactive and owning your shed by making a list of all the little things and behaviors you due to your partner. They usually deny, admit or minimize or just don't talk about it. Give me small things, like keeping the C two to forward in the car. So they bumped their head when they go in the car not to clean. Pretend you didn't hear them. When they call, you leave your shoes outside or you don't do the things you know your partner wants to dio and then choose wanted to just share them quietly, holding onto yourself Help your partner hold onto themselves just like sharing them. Start admitting all these little these little behaviors that you dio. The other out is assume that your partner can see some should that you cannot see because they can mind map you better than you could mind. Map yourself because of your subjective miss because of your own blind spots. When your partner does give you that constructive feedback, or even criticism like that line for a second, see if that's true, and if it is on it, so you're right. Part of owning it is not blaming the other. When you're saying yeah, I did this because you that's not owning it owning and say, That's mine. You're not blaming your partner or society or the world that is yours, and you are doing it because of 12 and three that is owning it. And over time, if you dare to own your shit, you will feel internally a sense of vitality and freedom. Your relationships. You will attract your life, people that are more authentic and honest and real. You'll be having riel moments, and from that point, once you take full responsibility over your shadow, that is when you can change. That is when you can grow. That is when you can take the relationship to the next level, so on your shit and grow. My name is Dr Several Minelli, and this was a potential state. Next, you've been listening to the potential state podcast. For more information, visit us at potential ST dot com and thank you for listening