The Potential State Podcast - Enriching Relationships

OWNURSH!T 36 - Your brain is you BODY-guard. Fire him to grow!

May 17, 2020 Assael Romanelli, Ph.D.
The Potential State Podcast - Enriching Relationships
OWNURSH!T 36 - Your brain is you BODY-guard. Fire him to grow!
Chapters
The Potential State Podcast - Enriching Relationships
OWNURSH!T 36 - Your brain is you BODY-guard. Fire him to grow!
May 17, 2020
Assael Romanelli, Ph.D.

Your brain is built to protect you from pain and danger, which is wonderful.
But personal and relational growth demand you let new information "in".
Since "there is no comfort in the growth zone", you must learn how to open your mind and let new information in.
In this talk, I describe how to fire the brain from being the body guard so you can discover new blindspots and grow.
Examples are given from the clinic and my personal life.
Pratical tips will help you fire your body-guard and grow.

www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael

Support the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=Q5AG6K7L8GYKA&source=url)

Show Notes Transcript

Your brain is built to protect you from pain and danger, which is wonderful.
But personal and relational growth demand you let new information "in".
Since "there is no comfort in the growth zone", you must learn how to open your mind and let new information in.
In this talk, I describe how to fire the brain from being the body guard so you can discover new blindspots and grow.
Examples are given from the clinic and my personal life.
Pratical tips will help you fire your body-guard and grow.

www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael

Support the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=Q5AG6K7L8GYKA&source=url)

Speaker 1:

Do you need things to be precise or exact for you to even consider feedback or criticism? If so, you're letting your brain protect your body and that's actually blocking her growth. And today I'm going to tell you why and how to change it.

Speaker 2:

You are listening to the potential state podcast with your host, dr. Russell Romanelli.

Speaker 1:

Hi, my name is dr. Cell Romanelli, and this is the potential state. Do they rent or own your shit? 36. Your brain is your body guard, fire him so you can grow. So we don't want to be hurt . All of us want to feel safe and loved. And for a lot of us growing up in tough situations, we also have this core belief that intimacy is dangerous because if I'm vulnerable, people can hurt me. Add to that. The fact that our brain is hardwired to protect us from danger and pain. Remember fight and flight, or it's scanning all the time possible, dangerous friends or fellow friends with foe . And the brain slowly becomes our bodyguard . We hire them. We develop this, this machine to make sure that no one is going to come too close to no, one's going to hurt us. We want to control what we're feeling down here. We want to control what's happened in the relationship . So we just basically say, you're in charge. Whatever people say to you, scan it. If it's precise, let it in. But what does precise mean? Precisely ? This is what I think about myself. Precise is my comfort zone. Precise is exactly what I know, but that's the opposite of growth, right? Because in growth, we don't want to grow, but growth means that somebody has to challenge me. Someone needs to show me my blind spots. Show me my shadow helped me all . Only shit. I'll be on all the things that I can't really see. Cause you cannot see three 60. You need other people that can see different angles of you. So what happens is we were ended up, we ended up being super protected by this body guard , but we're bored and we're not being touched. Nothing is touching us. Nothing has end to Ricky blocking these opportunities for growth because everything people say to us, we're like, that's not precise. That's not exact . He doesn't even know me. How dare he say that we're blocking, blocking, blocking. And that keeps us lonely, bored, stuck. And it keeps our relationships shallow because people can feel that you're blocking them because it's not precise. It's not precise life. Isn't precise like a sloppy. And you know what? You want to play. Come down to the dance floor, open up, take a chance. And I want to give you an example. I was working a while back with this woman and it was kind of like a challenging situation. I kept showing her like these blind spots and just defense mechanisms. And she kept saying, well, that's not precise. That's not exactly right. And then I allow her not to let any of what I was saying land at a certain point. I said to her, you know what, maybe it's not precise, but just let that land like your body, let that drop in your body and focus in focusing. We talk , that's called a felt sense. Let your body kind of let you know if that's right or wrong. Because in focusing, they believe that the body's wiser than the brain. And a lot of things that the brain says, that's no, that's not happening. It's actually, sometimes it's true. And if you want to grow, you need to let your body feel it. You need to let your brain calm down. So I finally said to her, you know what, this is not precise, but just let's , let's just link with that. Let's just let the trickle down your throat into your heart and see what happens. And it was really interesting. We sat there quietly. We're on zoom actually. And suddenly you could just see that she was letting that in, in that new reflection, that feedback I was giving her, started running around in her body. And then suddenly she had this , this realization. She saw how that was chewing a certain way in her own way. But for that, she had to fire the brain, fire the body guard and let things code down, let things land . So how do you do this? First of all, share this episode with your partner . So you create a culture where the bodyguards can are fired. And this is a body to have the experience where you're going to be open. You can take a chance and let people safe in, and then remind yourself that feelings are good. Even pain feelings are feelings. Won't make us alive, refer to the feelings episodes. And that the only way to grow is to let things in better ego-dystonic that don't fit what we think. Because if it's, if it's precise, that means it's exactly what I know. That's my comfort zone. Okay? If you want some, if I want to grow, I need to be feeling, I need to be exposing myself to things that don't feel comfortable that are not precise, that are not the way I perceive myself. That's how we grow. And then when people give you this feedback, when your partner comes and says shares, whatever they share about you, let it land. Even if it feels weird, if you're like, that's not, that's not true. Just trusted , you know, in the Meisner and improv and Meisner, we let things land. We even repeat the sentence. We want to check with our felt sense to see how that lands for us. Oftentimes the body's why shouldn't the brain and things that you're saying that's not a possible actually, when you repeated, when you let it land, they're like, Oh yes, that is true. So how do you do that? You just give yourself time, open your mind, let it through that. Hit your gut swirl around in your body. You don't have to immediately react. You can actually even say, wait, let me, let me check this. Let me feel this. It's also fine to let it feel, let it land. And then you can actually say, well, you know, that's not true. It doesn't feel right for me . That's also fine. But if you don't fire the body guard , then you will not grow . You're not going to grow. Learn to love sloppiness and improvisation. Let your body guard itself, fire body guard and grow . My name is dr. [inaudible] and this was a potential state. I'll see you. Next time.

Speaker 2:

You've been listening to the potential state podcast for more information, visit us@potentialstate.com. And thank you for listening.