Change is not easy.
Many individuals and couples are lacking a blueprint for long-term systemic change.
In this talk, we integrate Joseph Campbell's Hero Journey monomyth with systemic change concepts and our Potential State ideas and present our integrated systemic hero's journey model.
Practical tips will help you recognize which stage you are in the journey and how to advance toward your goals.
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I wish there was a blueprint for changeSpeaker 2:
Lucky for you. There is.Speaker 1:
So today we're gonna introduce , um , our integrated potential state mono myth model for change,Speaker 2:
Which is based off of Joseph. Campbell's the hero journey modelSpeaker 1:
Together with systemic thinking.Speaker 3:
You are listening to the potential state podcast With your host and Romanelli .Speaker 1:
Hi, my name is Dr . Elle RomanelliSpeaker 2:
And I'm deleteSpeaker 1:
Romanelli , and this is the potential state. And as we're working with couples, we've realized that there's a blueprint for change, which we've been working on, which is an infusion of what we said , uh , Joseph Campbell and systemic think . So I'm gonna start with introducing Joseph Campbell's model, which is basically based on myths and then the religious kind of scriptures. And there's basically a blueprint for human change. The first stage is separation. The second stage is initiation and the third step is return. So in , in separation, the hero leaves from his normal, his, or her normal life and relationships. The way we see it is we call this the dance. Every couple has a dance, or we call it homeo status in which we kind of work day in day, that's our routine. And that's where couples kind of start their relationship.Speaker 2:
So I say this as kind of an invitation to step out of the known dance, the comfort zone, right? And an invitation, a call to action as Joseph Campbell calls it to the unknown, to something new to , um, this quest that, you know, embraces the unknown for the sake of growth change evolution , um, a deeper understanding of ourselves bringing more sides of ourselves and cultivating kind of growth change strength within ourselves and in the relationship.Speaker 1:
And that is culminate that culminates in crossing the threshold, that point of no return that once the couple goes there, they cannot turn back in systemic thinking. We call that second order change or critical mass where we unbalance our power dynamic in a sense that kind of there's no going backSpeaker 2:
In my mind, this first step is actually kind of differentiation, right? Which is the lens with which we kind of work with couples. And I think this is kind of that, that moment where couples recognize that there's this separation, right. I stop fantasizing about you knowing what I want without me having to say it, express it and kind of more a recognition of, oops , sorry, there we have some mic issues. So I have to make sure that this is okay. Um, and kind of a recognition that, that we're , we're separating to become differentiated, right? We're gonna walk this path together. Um, we're gonna , we're gonna enter this space , uh , of our relationship. And at the same time, we each have our own hero's journey in this space and relationship.Speaker 1:
So that's the separation. After we cross the threshold, the hero enters the initiation phase. That's when the demons come out and allies and helpers and this , the dragon , and that's the state where you kind of the hero confronts themselves and changes and , and morphs.Speaker 2:
Right? And I, I consider this to be kind of what SNA talks about as kind of the crucible, right? Yeah . This is that hot place where we enter, where we, like you said, have to kind of slay the dragon, all kinds of core beliefs and, and the inner child and all that kind of stuff may be surfaces. And we have to figure out how we navigate that exactly how we grow from that hot place.Speaker 1:
And that's a phase where if you think systemically, there's gonna be pushback from the system , um , whether it's , uh , your children, family , friends, families of origin, they're gonna try to push you back to the old dance. And that's where you have to really hold onto yourself, confront yourself, own your, face your shadow. That's really the most turbulent part of the hero's journey or the couple's journey. Mm-hmm <affirmative>. And when we're done with that, we , we go return. So Joseph Campbell talks about return. The heroes returns back, discovers his or her superpower, and they go back home to their community and they kind of bring that gift to the world mm-hmmSpeaker 2:
<affirmative>. And the way we see it with couples is kind of that's the return to the relationship and return to agency and choice, right? Where I choose you again. And maybe that's , um, the way we like to think about it is kind of how are we going to redefine this new contract, right? Because the old dance, the old contract that we had was based on how we, we were before this process, and now we've evolved and we've grown each of individuals ag together as a couple. And how are we building this new contract for this new dance, with all of our superpowers, with all of our skills that we've kind of , um, accumulated along theSpeaker 1:
Way. And it's , and also we think about return as the couple renegotiate, their next marriage or their next chapter in their relationship. You also bring that, that message to their environment, to their system, right, to their children, to their friends, to their families and their modeling, a more differentiated, mature, egalitarian relationship. SoSpeaker 2:
It's choosing that relationship, but from kind of a new place, right? And as says that we will all marry more than once. It's just a question of whether we'll marry our partner more than once. So I think that is really the culmination of return. Like I choose you again, only this time. It's a mature, it's a mature growth choice decision where I have agency over how I am in this relationship.Speaker 1:
And again, it's a circle. So after we return,Speaker 2:
Yes, it will be AugustSpeaker 1:
More . It's a neverSpeaker 2:
Ending journey. It never ends the work doesn't end.Speaker 1:
It does it . And so separation, initiation and return, we hope this was helpful for you. Go on your hero's journey as individuals and as a couple we're rooting for you. Yes. This was gonna Romanelli Dr .Speaker 2:
AEL Romanelli ,Speaker 1:
And we're the potential state. See you next time.Speaker 4:
You've been listening to the potential state podcast For more information, visit firstname.lastname@example.org . Thanks for listening.